blake studdard

thanks to my incredible cousin Juanice, my 6th journal has begun. She sent me a journal in the mail (and i must say it’s the nicest one I’ve ever owned), not knowing I was just about to go buy one. 

breakdown of the journals :

journal # 1 : reluctantly started in late October 2007, debating whether or not to remember the dark place I found myself in after being broken up with by the girl I would’ve otherwise married. This journal quickly became a book of secrets between me and the Lord, and a collection of the ridiculous ways He spoke to me and directed my paths.

journal # 2 : On Christmas Eve 2007 (yes, i filled the 1st journal in two months), having embraced the brokenness I was called to, I began journal #2, a journal filled with prayers that the Lord would break me even more. I was making the steps toward dropping out of OU and moving to Waco, TX for a mission training school program that would prepare me to be a full time missionary. In it I also collect direction from the Lord as fuel so I could lead the team of college students to Mozambique, Africa, as well as documenting things happening in the inner city OKC area among homeless and addicted friends I was quickly making.

journal # 3 : a collection of the things happening while in Africa, started in May 2008, ending on June 1st. Many children drew pictures on the pages, ones I ended up writing around so I could still use it as a journal while there. I find it hardest to go back and read this one because of the feelings of confusion that arose both while in Africa and as I attempted to ‘debrief.’

journal # 4 : my ‘road journal’ for the summer tour 2008, beginning in June. 12 hours after closing the Mozambique journal as we landed in the OKC airport, I opened this one in a tour van with the Nick Thurmond Band as I began an 8 week summer camp tour. I remember seeking and finding the Lord in the strangest spots (I didn’t have a physical place to call ‘home’ while on the road, so finding my home in Him was much of the content of this journal). At the very end of this journal, I was beginning the fall 2008 semester, with the one year anniversary of my desert just a month away. By this point I had made many huge decisions, traveled halfway around the Earth, tatooed the theme of the year on my wrist, dated a girl I met on the road, experienced what ’slain in the Spirit’ meant firsthand, and was beginning to understand what community really is (norman community church’s heart was by this time perfectly aligned with mine.)

journal #5 : this last one was rough. It began with the month of remembrance : October. For half of it, I looked back over the last 4 journals, the last 4 seasons, that made up the last year. I sought to find the new thing. Last year was : ‘rid me of myself.’ Was this year supposed to be ‘fill me with you.’ ? I don’t know that I ever understood or got a real answer, and there were many pages that I dated and began to write, but realized I had nothing to say. I’ve been dealing with how to understand Provision and Blessing. It’s so hard to steward these things while maintaining a flowing heart with the Father.

-

Now, I’m on Journal # 6 : 

I started it today. As you can see, a journal is a very significant thing for me, marking significant seasons and themes in my life. Here’s what is already blowing my mind about journal 6 :

Philip and I are collaborating on a 6 song worship/indie-rock/experimental EP titled ‘Hallelujah’. The title track was written when Philip and I first connected alone in a prayer chapel on 6.6.06. My prophetic grandfather (philip’s prophetic father) told me just last week : ‘i don’t know why, but I know I have to tell you this story….’ – it ended up being a story where he was prophesying over a man he’d never met and heard from the Lord, ‘philips 66‘ . Turns out the guy worked for philips 66 for decades. Needless to say, the record is scheduled to release on 6.6.09, exactly 3 years after the title track was written.

Sitting down to start this Journal today, I turned on Sigur Ros’ album ‘( )’, a frequently played prayer backdrop used for just about every Mozambique meeting and many other impromptu intercession, prophetic or worship times. I glanced outside and saw snow flakes. Tiny ones. They were spinning and swirling in the sky, but they were so so small. Then the music crescendoed. On the beat, the wind pushed the flakes the opposite direction. I closed my eyes to connect with the Lord, but after a few seconds, I uncontrollably opened them : the flakes got at least two times larger. I looked down to write down what just happened and then looked up : they grew even larger. Now the song was at the climax, and it looked like a blizzard outside. In the middle of Spring. On the day I ‘happened’ to start the new journal.