blake studdard

every now and then, it gets to me …

every now and then, i start feeling like i’m losing myself to the things that i’m doing or not doing.

every now and then, i see my instability and start to wobble back and forth between being in control and falling from whatever i’m supposed to be balancing on.

every now and then, i feel like i’ve forgotten how to connect with anyone or anything.

it’s the kingdom of darkness. the thing responsible for sickness, hopelessness, pain.

every time it’s the ‘every now and then’ that i described above, it’s the same …

i’m doing, and not being. i’m trying and not letting. i’m paying and not taking. i’m straining and not receiving. i’m looking and not beholding. i’m hearing and not listening.

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don’t do anything. just be with him. don’t try to be with him, just let him be with you. don’t pay for the thing you never bought in the first place, take the thing sitting on the table before you. don’t strain for these things to happen, and just let them happen. don’t look for him, behold his face as he is right in front of you. don’t hear the empty words sitting on the pages of the Bible, listen to the one who is speaking them to you.

don’t do. be. don’t try. allow. don’t pay. take. don’t strain. let. don’t look. behold. don’t hear. listen.